ORIGINALLY POSTED ON PATCH.com
I hope all my readers had a wonderful Holiday. Happy New Year! So far, the weather has been pretty good and warmer than most winters. This weekend we have some snow & sleet. I look forward to spring. I won an Oscar-related award for, ‘Best Comedian.’ I’m very happy & honored to win this award! A huge, ‘Thank you’ to my dear friend, Sandra. This month’s column is about dating someone that becomes possessive and what to do about it. Many of my female readers have asked what they should do if they’re dating a guy that wants to know their where-abouts every day & becomes too possessive. Perhaps these guys are insecure or they behave this way for other reasons. But, whatever the reason is for their behavior, it is best to move on and date someone else. If your first instinct tells you that something isn’t right, then go with your first instinct.
‘I’m 27 years old and dating a man the same age for a little over a month. He started out fine. We have great times together when we go out alone with no one else. When we go out for pizza & movies together, he’s fine. When we’re out with other friends, on a double date, he becomes possessive and doesn’t trust me. He thinks I’m dating other guys. I told him he’s the only guy I’m dating. He doesn’t believe me. He’s become possessive. If I don’t see him for one night, He wants me to ‘prove’ that I’m not with anyone else. He questions my whereabouts and doesn’t believe anything I tell him. I had plans to go with a girlfriend for drinks & appetizers after work one night. He asked me to show him the receipt! He asked me for my friends name & asked why I went out with her. Now, he wants me to tell him where I go everyday after work. Even if I’m going to the grocery store. He started out being a decent guy, but this new behavior is un-called for. Not sure if I should date him anymore.’
Sign me- ‘Unsure’
Dear Unsure, I dated a guy many years ago that got very possessive and didn’t trust me after going out together for only 2 weeks. He called me several times a day & left messages if I didn’t answer. I made plans with a girlfriend to go out to dinner. He kept calling my cell phone & left a message asking where I was and who I was with. The following day I met him for lunch to ask why he was behaving this way. He was speaking very loudly in the restaurant and said, “Why didn’t you go to dinner with ME last night?!” I knew the guy was not for me. I didn’t go out with him anymore. If you’re having doubts about dating that guy, go with your instincts. You know he’s not the right one for you. This is a perfect example of a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship is based on trust and respect. I would move on and end this relationship now. Good luck to you!
To the reader who wants to remain anonymous: If the guy you’re dating has no table manners & he burps in front of you & picks at his fingernails & removes his shoes when you’re out to dinner, tell him how you feel. Explain to him that you don’t like the way he is behaving. You say you’ve enjoyed his company but that he has no table manners. Tell him you enjoy his company but you don’t feel comfortable with these habits that he has. It sounds like you would like to date him if he stops these disgusting habits. If he cares about himself & your feelings, he may change the way he behaves in restaurants. Have a talk with him & give him a chance to change the habits that bother you. No-one is perfect, but if everything else about him keeps you going with him & makes you happy, then tell him how you feel. Good luck to you!
Until next time.. ‘Keep Smiling!’