My dating advice column “Ask Debbie Sue” is a featured column on Skokie’s section of Patch.com. Thank you Patch for this honor!
ORIGINALLY POSTED ON PATCH.com
Happy Holidays! I hope everyone is keeping warm in this horrible arctic weather. I can’t wait until springtime. I had quite a few letters & questions from my readers about what to do when dating someone that doesn’t have much to say. What can you do when you’re out with someone that isn’t a conversationalist? If it’s a first meeting- Perhaps they are nervous or shy? Well, You can continue on with the date and see if he or she ‘opens up’ and talks a bit more or you can end the date. This reminds me of a guy I went out with when I was in my twenties. I met him at a singles function. He didn’t say too much. He asked me out to dinner. I met him at the restaurant. This was a man of a ‘few words.’
We met inside the restaurant and were seated quickly. We looked over the menus and ordered our meal. He said, ‘This menu has FINE foods.’ The waitress brought our food. While eating he said, ‘You dressed very FINE.’ I told him he dressed nice too. We didn’t have a lot in common and didn’t have any of the same interests. He didn’t enjoy going to movies or the theatre. I told him that I enjoy going to the health club and taking long walks. I asked if he enjoyed working out or taking walks. He said, ‘No, I’m FINE.’ He continued, ‘The pasta is FINE. The bread is FINE.’ He said, ‘We’ll go skiing next weekend! Though you don’t like skiing, you’ll be FINE.’ I didn’t have a chance to answer. He continued, ‘We’ll go to a movie. It’s a FINE night.’ I finally got a sentence in. I said, ‘I’d rather just go home.’
He asked, ‘Is a date next Friday FINE?’ I replied, ‘That’ll be FINE…’
I actually ended up staying friends with him. It shows that sometimes you need to give someone a chance, even though the first date didn’t turn out so good.
Dear Debbie Sue: ‘I’m dating a man for three weeks that doesn’t have much to say. We met at work, he asked me out. He’s quiet, handsome and I was attracted to him immediately. We hardly speak at work. Thought I’d give it a try. He’s sweet. I wish he would talk more so I could get to know him better. On the date, I asked if he likes his job, he answered, ‘It’s ok.’ I asked if he likes home cooked dinners. He responded, ‘They’re ok.’ I asked if he likes soft-rock music, He said, ‘It’s ok.’ I asked if he likes dancing. He said, ‘sometimes ok.’ He has nothing to say but he’s kind. Should I continue to date him or look for a man I can have a conversation with?’ Sign me: OKAY
Dear OKAY: This guy is handsome, but can’t hold a conversation? Ask him if he’s nervous or shy and see what he says. If after dating him a few weeks he’s still speaking in one or two word sentences, that might just be his true personality. You can’t make someone be a conversationalist if they’re not. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t ‘open up’ more, then perhaps you should move on. You sound like an outgoing woman & you need someone you can communicate better with. There are plenty of men out there that will like to converse and get to know you. You’ll be happier dating one of them.
In reply to my reader that would like to remain anonymous: If the man you’re dating for a few months is telling you to dress a certain way, wear your hair a certain way & speak a certain way, then he is trying to change you. You say he’s also telling you which friends you should go out with & what you should eat for breakfast, lunch & dinner? He’s definitely trying to ‘control’ you & every move you make. This is not a healthy relationship. The reason you’re questioning it & asking if you should continue to date him, is because you know in your heart, this is not the right man for you. Have respect for yourself. You should end the relationship. You’ll find a man that will love you just the way you are & not try to ‘change’ you. Join a singles group or do activities you enjoy & the right man will come along.
Until next time.. ‘Keep Smiling…’ Happy New Year!
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